I HAD HIT A SNAG

1997 I think it was. I couldn't concentrate, I wasn't motivated, I was always teary, a black cloud hung over me.I thought that every one who stepped into my world disliked me. I needed help. Depression was diagnosed and i began medication.

Its amazing how a daily dose of an anti-depressant can change your thoughts and perceptions. I felt like a new person. I was confident, motivated, could concentrate and, the black cloud had disappeared allowing the light to shine through."Ange was back!"

The years passed and i tried many different medications. In 2004, one was prescibed that was a too higher dose to start off with. I began to feel faint one day. In fact i felt faint everyday.Then i noticed i had lost my appetite. I went to work and had a massive anxiety attack. I had to go home. I continued to not eat.Everything that went into my mouth made my stomach churn. The nausea was constant as well as the diahorrea. Sleep deprivation occurred. It was as though I was on a continuous dose of speed, and the laser beams that shot through my body constantly were the worst. That's the sensation I got from the anti depressant. Serotonin overload.

My mother and father looked after me through this difficult phase. I couldn't be alone. The paranoia and anxiety was too much for one to deal with by themselves. I was almost going to leave my job after breaking down infront of EVERYONE, and go and live with my parents. But i persevered. Then the penny dropped. I realized that ever since I started the new tablets, I had changed. So I researched the medication and saw that I had all the unwanted adverse effects. Here I made an appointment with my GP and changed medication. She even put me on valium to assist with my anxiety and insomnia.

Within 2 weeks the symptoms from an antidepressant dosage error were corrected. I was well. No nausea, I could eat and had no paranoia. What a fucking ordeal I went through! I lost weight when I had my illness. Approximately 8kg in 5weeks! I looked great. A wrong way to lose kilo's. But i couldn't eat!!!! And yes, i had that much time off work.

Now im fine. I take the correct medication that's right for me. I no longer need valium.
Depression is an illness like diabetes. You medicate to stabilize. You have good days and bad days. More good than bad though(except for my horrific experience, which was only short lived).

Today i can jump hurdles. I am motivated. I am not paranoid. But i dare not wish what i went through onto anyone!